25 Obvious Drawbacks to Being a Blinkered Eunuch: An open letter to #FullMcIntosh

I realise I’m not exactly on the ball with this, but you have to understand I’ve spent the last week on my deathbed, suffering from an unrelentingly mild cold.

Anyway, my martyrdom aside, sometime last week, Jonathan ‘#FullMcIntosh’ McIntosh, king of the cuckolds and sexless lapdog of Anita Sarkeesian, released a video called ’25 Invisible Benefits of Gaming While Male’. I understand it was based on an article he’d previously written for one of the axis of evil sites, probably Kotaku or something, shit I don’t know. I’m still not firing on all cylinders, do your own god damn research.

What I will do is link you to two excellent videos I’ve seen, here & here, made in response to, and which both contain, the original video, because I’ll be damned if I’m giving this dickless lunatic any more traffic.

As for me, I’m going old school and writing a response based on the transcript of the video, because listening to my voice is a punishment no one should have to endure unless absolutely necessary.

So, watch the videos or read my response or do both, but let’s all share a laugh at the batshit insanity that is the Bay Area SJW Machine, grinding into full-on White Knight Mode.

[As usual, the original points are in italics, while my responses will be in bold. Or maybe it’s usually the other way round. Fuck if I know.]

  1. I can choose to remain completely oblivious, or indifferent to the harassment that many women face in gaming spaces.

It’s less indifference and more that I rarely actually see it happening.

Certainly, I have seen shitposting responded to in kind with shitposting, but I can happily go on record and state that I have never seen a woman being flat-out harassed in a gaming space, purely for being a woman.

That’s not to excuse the harassment that I have seen, but merely to point out that there are usually other factors in play and that they are not always gender exclusive.

In fact, the one and only time I do remember a woman being criticised for her gender was because she felt the need to bring it up in literally every post she made. Every time she was criticised for saying something utterly retarded, she would reply with ‘it’s just because I’m a woman, isn’t it!’ like some gender-swapped fucking Ali G sketch; almost as though she was using her gender as a shield from legitimate criticism and, shit, why does that sound so familiar…

This is one of my all-time favourite images.

This is one of my all-time favourite images.

  1. I am never told that video games or the surrounding culture is not intended for me because I am male.

No, but I have been accused of being a poser, not just in gaming but in other communities, because my tastes don’t match the status quot of whatever group I’m currently engaging.

For example, I was called a hipster for reading Naruto, in spite of the fact that I also read a lot of obscure/niche manga, (as well as a wealth of yaoi and shojo titles. It’s almost as though I just read what interests me, regardless of demographics…) purely because the self-appointed arbiter of tastes in this particular debate had decided that anyone who liked Naruto couldn’t be a ‘real manga fan.’

Once again, this is not a gender issue but more a problem that stems from the elitist assholes that always spring up in every community, who appoint themselves as gatekeepers of that particular hobby or interest and will use any reason to try and shut you and anyone else they deem unworthy out of it.

Here’s the thing, though: Most normal people really don’t give a shit, we just wanna do our thing in peace, and if you’re cool with that then we’re cool with you.

  1. I can publicly post my username, gamertag or contact information online without having to fear being stalked or sexually harassed because of my gender.

Whether you’ve a cock or a minge, this is generally an inadvisable thing to do.

Here’s a fun fact: I used to have some very basic, but potentially identifiable, personal information on my YouTube profile, right up until I got in an argument with a fundamentalist Muslim in the comments section of a video and he started saying stuff like ‘man is the most dangerous beast of all, they should be wiped from the Earth.’ Now, I don’t know if he was for real, or if he was just fucking with me, but it put the shits up me enough to take down absolutely any and all information from my page.

If you truly believe that there are no negative repercussions for a guy making his info publicly available then I recommend heading over to Encyclopedia Dramatica and checking out the trolling section; you’ll discover that trolls are actually very equal opportunities when it comes to making the lives of internet famewhores a living hell.

All that being said, any man who still disagrees is more than welcome to send their bank details/PIN my way.

  1. I will never be asked to “prove my gaming cred” simply because of my gender.

I suspect that this is only really an issue because a lot of the people this video was in defence of have repeatedly proven that they in fact have no ‘gamer cred’. Anita Sarkeesian, in particular, has demonstrated on several occasions, when she isn’t just flat-out admitting it, that she knows absolutely nothing about video games yet still somehow considers herself equipped to complain about them.

Let me be perfectly clear: I don’t care who you are, criticising from a position of ignorance is never going to win you friends. Or, as I less eloquently put it on Twitter: Sarkeesian is a critic of video games in the same way that I’d be a critic of mechanics if I walked into a garage and told a grease monkey he was holding that spanner like a cunt.

  1. If I enthusiastically express my fondness for video games no one will automatically assume I’m faking my interest just to “get attention” from other gamers.

I won’t necessarily assume that, but I will find you fucking annoying, regardless. Before GamerGate kicked off, I was actually pretty tight-lipped about my passion for gaming, outside of contexts where I considered it appropriate to talk about it, because I realised something the majority of hobbyists struggle to grasp: Not everyone gives a shit.

The thing is I can think of very few situations where it would be necessary to actually make this assertion. If you’re in a game-orientated space, most people are going to assume you’re there because you like games;  enthusiastically expressing your fondness for games in this environment would be like standing up in a pub and screaming ‘I LOVE PINTS’; pointless at best, needless attention-seeking at worst.

If it’s not a game-orientated space, then why are you ‘enthusiastically expressing’ your love for gaming, at all? That’s like standing up in the pub and screaming ‘I LOVE BEARS’, which I’ve been repeatedly asked to stop doing by the duty manager of at least three different Wetherspoon’s.

Again, though, in terms of the specific kind of women I know this video is referring to, I think an apt analogy is that of the one guy everyone knew in high school who had had, like, just absolutely all of the sex.

Every Monday morning he’d strut in and tell you -in the most vividly graphic detail that an adolescent mind who’s actual knowledge of sex was based entirely upon stolen glances at Eurotrash when mum and dad left the Sky remote unsupervised can provide- about the latest girl they’d slept with, who almost always went to a school conveniently just outside the social reach of anyone who might poke holes in this lofty tale.

Essentially, what I’m saying is that people who have to constantly big up how totally into something they are are usually the ones who have the least actual experience with what they’re talking about, because the people with a genuine interest in the topic at hand are too busy engaging in that activity to wax lyrical about it.

Or if I can be even more succinct: If you want to know how into guitars someone is, don’t ask how many guitars they own or who they think the best guitarist is: just take a look at their fingertips. That’ll tell you everything you need to know.

  1. I can look at practically any gaming website, show, or magazine and see the voices of people of my own gender widely represented.

Maybe this is my White Male Privilege™ talking, but I honestly don’t get why this matters, because when I’m reading the review for a game all I really want to know is whether or not it’s a fun game, and how it shapes up compared to other games in the same genre.

By all means, throw in a bit of personal feelings, but since no one is me but me, whether you’re a man or a woman, anything you say based on your own personal prejudices will be largely irrelevant to me, as far as game reviews go.

If I’m looking for advice on poppers or cock-rings then, yeah, I’d probably want to stick exclusively to the views of men but, in matters of a unisex hobby like gaming, all I need you to tell me is whether or not the game works and if it’s entertaining.

That this is apparently a problem says a lot more about you than it does about me, to be honest.

  1. When I go to a gaming event or convention, I can be relatively certain that I won’t be harassed, groped, propositioned or catcalled by total strangers.

Well, I’ve never been to one, so I can’t claim to speak from any kind of experience, but as I understand it almost every modern con has a zero-tolerance anti-harassment policy in place to stamp out behaviour like this. In fact, I recall reading that even if you’re just being a creeper to people as part of your character, you’ll still get your arse kicked to the kerb if you refuse to stop.

If I could say one thing, though, and I realise this could be seen as defending the aggressor or victim-blaming and I should probably put up trigger warnings or some shit but fuck it: This year I’ve worked a lot a of comic marts and conventions as part of my new job, and I’ve met a lot of lovely people. I’ve also met some right fucking herberts, but a lot of them aren’t weird for the sake of it, they’re just the stereotypically socially maladjusted young men who gravitate towards geek culture, and they’re actually still really nice guys, they just have no idea how to talk to someone and not sound insane and, yes, this probably will be exacerbated when they are placed in the vicinity of an attractive woman in a latex mini-skirt and fuck-me boots.

Like I say, I’m not excusing inappropriate behaviour, all I’m saying is that people are often too quick to attribute malice or otherwise lascivious intent to the actions of someone who honestly just doesn’t know any better; much of what I’ve seen and heard labelled as harassment is actually just social awkwardness created by people who have no idea how to normally interact with anyone, man or woman.

(And before someone jumps down my throat, no I’m not including groping in that caveat, but like I say there is security on-hand to deal with anything of that kind of nature.)

  1. I will never be asked or expected to speak for all other gamers who share my gender.

I really, really don’t get this one. No one asked Anita Sarkeesian to speak on behalf of all female gamers, in fact I’d bet my balls to a barndance that the majority of them wish she’d shut her fucking mouth and stop claiming to.

  1. I can be sure that my gaming performance (good or bad) won’t be attributed to or reflect on my gender as a whole.

The 14 year old boy who called me a cocksucking homo for no-scoping him in CoD says otherwise.

  1. My gaming ability will never be called into question based on unrelated natural biological functions.

Okay, that one’s true, because I had no problem no-scoping him again, later on, while I was fucking his mum.

  1. I can be relatively sure my thoughts about video games won’t be dismissed or attacked based solely on my tone of voice, even if I speak in an aggressive, obnoxious, crude or flippant manner.

I’ve actually been told on numerous occasions that people find my writing style condescending and abrasive to the point that they want to punch me in the face. So, nope, you don’t get to claim talking like a passive-aggressive arsehole as the sole domain of the vagina, either.

  1. I can openly say that my favorite games are casual, odd, non-violent, artistic, or cute without fear that my opinions will reinforce a stereotype that “men are not real gamers.”

What are you, five years old? Who gives a shit what some random thinks about your taste in games? Who are you saying this to, actually? I’ve wondered that about a lot of this, because you talk like there’s some sort of interview process to get a position as a gamer.

Again, if you’re so insecure that you spend this much time worrying about what other people think of you because you like Cooking Mama then might I suggest that your problems lie within.

  1. When purchasing most major video games in a store, chances are I will not be asked if (or assumed to be) buying it for a wife, daughter or girlfriend.

Only because they can tell by looking at me that I’m going to die alone.

Seriously, though, I would take this banal small talk any day over GAME trying to shove ‘disc insurance’ down my throat or beating me over the head with the pre-order catalogue every time I go in.

Also, I love that ‘or assumed to be’ in brackets, there, as though you have absolutely any way of knowing who the person ringing up your copy of GTA V thinks you’re buying it for, assuming they care at all, which they most likely don’t because they’re probably more concerned with whether or not they’ll still have a job next week.

Moreover, though, this point is complete and utter bullshit, because you know damn well that if I was to go into a store and buy the latest iteration of Just Dance –one of the best-selling current video game series– the cashier would not in a million years assume I was buying it for myself.

They would be mistaken.

  1. The vast majority of game studios, past and present, have been led and populated primarily by people of my own gender and as such most of their products have been specifically designed to cater to my demographic.

There are several problems that I have with this, but the main one is the presumption that all men apparently think alike. This is obviously not true, because if it was there would only be one type of video game, instead of thousands of different genres spanning almost every conceivable interest you can think of.

More than that, though, I don’t know if I should find it insulting or just intellectually dishonest for you to imply that just because a man makes something I have to enjoy it.

There isn’t just a demographic called ‘Men’ into which absolutely every male-orientated product is poured. This determination to reduce an entire half of the species down to their base biological components is genuinely fucking freaky, and it’s freakier still that you seem completely oblivious of this fact.

Then again, you are the same people who regularly try to claim I hate things just because they are made by women, even though that would technically mean I have to hate myself, so maybe I’m expecting too much of you to assume that even you have any idea what you’re on about.

  1. I can walk into any gaming store and see images of my gender widely represented as powerful heroes, dastardly villains and non-playable characters alike.

Okay, I actually looked up the Top 10 best-selling PS4 games on Play to test this theory, because I don’t know who’s actually still using brick and mortar stores in 2014. Here’s a selection of the representation I am currently receiving as a straight white male, courtesy of AAA marketing:

Pictured: Patriarchy in Action

Pictured: Patriarchy in Action

Well shit, four out of the eight games in the Top 10 (2 spaces are occupied by a spare controller and a camera peripheral) feature either a woman, non-white man or dead-eyed burlap effigy as the focal point of their covers. How about that?

Alright, I admit I’m being disingenuous here, AAA gaming does have a disproportionate number of male protagonists, but my rebuttal to that is two-fold:

I: Men make up the majority of AAA game sales and

II: Who gives a shit?

Seriously, why do you care what is between the legs of the faceless cypher you are piloting around the latest Battlefield? And before you say I’m arguing from a position of privilege, I welcome you to slap as many titties on Assassin’s Creed as you like, make them a giant rolling ball of titties for all I care –a Katamammary, if you will- as long as you make the game fun and not a broken pile of micro-transactions and shoehorned-in online play.

  1. I will almost always have the option to play a character of my gender, as most protagonists or heroes will be male by default.

Again, not only is this only really true of the AAA market, which has grown stagnant for numerous reasons, it’s not even really the case there, when a large portion of modern games allow you to create your own character.

Such oppression.

Such oppression.

Even with that, I’m still not fully clear on why this is necessarily seen as a benefit, given that a big part of a hobby like gaming is escapism: when I play video games I don’t necessarily want to be me. In truth, being the weeaboo fucktard that I am, I will always jump at the option to play as any kind of Asian-looking race whenever I can, so by your logic I should be every bit as up in arms as you that, to date, only one game has catered to my very specific fantasy of being Lee Byung-Hun.

No, in reality, I will play any game as any character provided that either the character or the game is good; ideally both, but it was only the fact that I found Nilin to be a genuinely engaging character that I suffered through the crushing mediocrity of Remember Me.

Also, I’m really still not getting this ‘I can only play as what I am’ mentality; do you think that race of tiger-people in Skyrim was put in there to cater to all the cats that would be playing the game?

The most under-represented demographic of all.

The most under-represented demographic of all.

  1. I do not have to carefully navigate my engagement with online communities or gaming spaces in order to avoid or mitigate the possibility of being harassed because of my gender.

Even by the especially low standards by which I judge this tripe, this statement is exceptionally nebulous. I’m really not sure how to refute this one because I’m not entirely sure what it’s trying to say.

What I think it might mean is either that you’re repeating the thing about personal information or you’re saying that if you talk shit online you might end up getting shit on in return.

My advice would be to not act like a dick online, personally, but I know that’s something you people really seem to struggle with.

  1. I probably never think about hiding my real-life gender online through my gamer-name, my avatar choice, or by muting voice-chat, out of fear of harassment resulting from my being male.

Actually, this was pretty true up until GamerGate started. I had never felt the need to disguise who I was online until SJWs started doxxing us and sending more vocal members syringes, knives and dead animals in the post; and that’s when they’re not busy getting people fired from their jobs for drawing satirical webcomics.

So I guess in that respect you guys have actually achieved some modicum of equality.

Congratulations, I guess?

  1. When I enter an online game, I can be relatively sure I won’t be attacked or harassed when and if my real-life gender is made public

No, I’ll just be called a shitfucking niggertit for getting sniped for the twelfth god damn time in a row in TF2 and costing my team the match and it’s not my fault if my connection is shit, you guys, fuck this I’m going outside.

  1. If I am trash-talked or verbally berated while playing online, it will not be because I am male nor will my gender be invoked as an insult.

Christ on ice skates, would you morons stop taking this shit so god damn personally. Do you know how many times in my life I’ve been called a poof because I don’t like football, or because I wear tight clothes and have a ridiculously high-pitched nasally voice that sounds halfway between Brian Molko and Lily Savage?

I don’t take it personally, though, because I know I’m straight, and therefore I know that these people are only saying this to me to try and piss me off -because even though it’s 2014 they’re still labouring under the pretense that being gay is somehow an insult- whereas if they wanted to personally attack me they’d go after one of my many legitimate physical and/or character flaws.

What I’m getting at is that people are always going to talk smack online, and by flipping your shit every time they have a pop at you, all you are doing is giving them exactly what they want. This is schoolyard psychology: the absolute best thing you can do with these people is acquiesce to their claims, because it leaves them nowhere to run and, honestly, it’s fun to watch them get all salty when their weak-arse trolling backfires on them.

That’s why now, when someone in the YouTube comments calls me a faggot because I listen to Slipknot, rather than waste time calling them an idiot -valid an observation though that may be- I instead ask them what bearing my love for cock has on me thinking that Iowa is a really good album. If I’m in a particularly go-fuck-yourself mood, I’ll occasionally start flirting with them just to really shit them up.

Honestly, I implore you to give it a go next time someone is trying to wind you up: Just agree with everything they say and see how long it takes them to throw an absolute wobbler and ragequit.

  1. While playing online with people I don’t know I won’t be interrogated about the size and shape of my real-life body parts, nor will I be pressured to share intimate details about my sex life for the pleasure of other players.

Not only do I not deny that this happens, I have actual documented evidence of it. Unfortunately, that evidence also proves that normal male gamers think the guys who engage in this kind of stuff are fucking losers.

[Maybe also worth noting that the particular damsel in that video doesn’t take any of the guy’s shit, and holds her own pretty well, as opposed to running off to Twitter and begging for Patreon donations. Just some food for thought.]

  1. Complete strangers generally do not send me unsolicited images of their genitalia or demand to see me naked on the basis of being a male gamer.

I’m surprised I’ve lasted this long, but I’m afraid I finally have to play the Welcome to the Internet™ card, here. Once more, I’m not excusing this behaviour, but nor am I accepting that it only exists within the gaming community, and nor am I accepting that it is a one-way street.

I have received a shit-ton of nudey photos from ladies in my time on the internets, some unsolicited, though I wasn’t complaining, and generally speaking I’ll whip the old soldier out for any adult who asks to see it because, at the end of the day, it’s just a cock.

I know that people like to pretend that this is the sign of society’s decaying moral fibre, but the reality is the only reason we haven’t been doing it before now is because we didn’t have the technology.

Need proof? Did you think it was all time-travellers who were sending those grainy polaroids into Reader’s Wives?

Anyway, this is just something that we’re going to have to deal with as we adapt to this new digital social media age, and whether unexpected schlongs in your inbox really is endemic to online interaction or the result of a few relatively isolated cases, it’s just one of the unfortunate downsides to online anonymity.

That being said, just like our justice system undoubtedly occasionally lets a guilty man go, I will take that any day over one with a 100% conviction rate that regularly marches innocent people to their death.

  1. In multiplayer games I can be pretty sure that conversations between other players will not focus on speculation about my “attractiveness” or “sexual availability” in real-life.

I feel like I’ve already covered this point. If I didn’t know better I’d say y’all were just padding the fuck out of this list to get it up to a nice, round, marketable figure.

  1. If I choose to point out sexism in gaming, my observations will not be seen as self-serving, and will therefore be perceived as more credible and worthy of respect than those of my female counterparts, even if they are saying the exact same thing.

Yes, that is why websites like Kotaku and Polygon are held in such high esteem and hacks -sorry- ‘journalists’ like Ben Kuchera aren’t regularly called out for their yellow journalism, bullying tactics and downright hypocritical horseshit.

Here’s the long and short of it: No one points out sexism in gaming without an agenda, because to accuse anything of sexism is to fire a warning shot straight into a crowd of protesters; you’ve marched into a debate on race relations with your Klan outfit on; you’re a forty year old guy at a karaoke bar in torn blue jeans and a leather jacket.

We all know you’re here to sing Bon Jovi.

If you want to have a conversation about the genuine problems that do exist in AAA gaming, or even if you want to ask why certain conventions are still adhered to, I am happy to have that debate, but what #FullMcIntosh and his gang do is not simply ask or try to foster discussion.

They preach a totalitarian viewpoint from their Twitter pulpit, with highly abrasive language, unfounded accusations and outright lies, deliberately trying to provoke a reaction from people so they can then turn around and brand anyone who tries to point this out as unbelievers, as enemies of change.

This is why nobody wants to hear what any of you have to say -as well as the fact that it’s all ill-informed bullshit, sourced from the delusional wonderland of your own sick mind- but mainly because there’s absolutely no point in arguing with someone who has made it clear they have no intention of ever changing their stance on a given issue.

  1. Because it was created by a straight white man, this checklist will likely be taken more seriously than if it had been written by virtually any female gamer.

Bullshit. If you want to read some extremely logical, well-written thoughts on gamer culture go read Lizzy F’s stuff; that lady has more video game knowledge in her pinky-finger than you fucks do in your collective Bay Area hivemind.

Okay, that about wraps it up, I think. If you made it all the way to the end of another one of my overly long tirades about vidya then well done; just three more stamps on your loyalty card and you can redeem your free erotically charged haiku from yours truly.

Reach for the stars, baby.

This entry was posted in Current Affairs, Gaming, The World at Large. and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to 25 Obvious Drawbacks to Being a Blinkered Eunuch: An open letter to #FullMcIntosh

  1. Krista Lynn says:

    Another great entry. I’m still chuckling on the grease monkey remark. Love the links too; I can kill a few hours following them to relevant curiosities and not feel like time was wasted. Glad I follow your blog, for sure!

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