SocJus Against the Protein World: What Happens When an Unstoppable, Bitchy Force Meets an Immovable, Buff Object?

Good morning, brothers and sisters, welcome to the fourth, fifth or sixth irregular meeting of the Brotherhood of Laugh at Stupid Shit SJWs Do; I can’t remember how many of these I’ve done, now.

Today’s tale of imagined controversy comes to us courtesy of Protein World, a fitness supplement supplier based in the UK who would probably have remained otherwise indistinguishable from their many competitors were it not for the fact that their Twitter account is apparently manned by a stone cold boss, as we’ll see later.

To start us off though, let’s take a look at the advert that has caused so many jimmies to become rustled and, as a fun game, try and guess what the problem is, this time:

Too easy. It's all the yellow, right?

Too easy. It’s all the yellow, right?

Apparently, one Harriet Johnson saw this relatively innocuous, as far as fitness ads go, poster doing the old ‘get ready for Summer’ schtick and proceeded to completely shit the bed and, true to SJW form, post a passive-aggressive jab at Protein World on Twitter.

Because, as a barrister according to her Twitter, Ms Johnson obviously knows that the best way to begin a dialogue and address your grievances is by acting like a petulant child in public.

Feel free to send me some bikini shots and I'll let u kno, babe :^)

Feel free to send me some bikini shots and I’ll let u kno, babe :^)

Where this story deviates from the norm, however, is the way in which Protein World chose to respond. If you know anything about outrage culture then you should be familiar with how this particular song and dance usually goes: Moron gets offended; company tries to perform damage control before capitulating entirely, pulling the ‘offensive’ material and bending over backwards to accommodate people who were never their customers in the first place.

Protein World, or at least whoever is in charge of the company Twitter account, chose a different tac:

♪ Mmm whatcha say ♪

♪ Mmm whatcha say ♪

This instantly set the Twittersphere ablaze, as armies from both sides of the ongoing internet slapfight rushed to congratulate and chastise the company. All that protein really must have strengthened their constitution, though, because they still refused to back down.

This led to an interesting and seldom-seen quandary: Since SJWs and the moral panic mob in general’s only weapon is stamping their feet and shouting as loud as they can, what happens when that doesn’t work? Well, apparently the answer is they go straight to Defcon 1 and start vandalising property and marshaling assaults on the Protein World offices. I am not joking:

The Suffragettes would be proud.

The Suffragettes would be proud.

Right makes might, but having a hammer also helps.

Right makes might, but having a hammer also helps.

Never let it be said I'm not willing to get my own hands dirty.

Never let it be said I’m not willing to get my own hands dirty.

If this doesn’t provide clear-cut evidence of how insane these people are, then I don’t know what will.

It’s this kind of ‘ends justify the means’ mentality that compels me to write about the authoritarian madness poisoning the left so much, because despite most of them being too spineless to do anything beyond talk shit on Twitter, it only takes one special special snowflake with the right screw loose to decide to take it to the next level and shoot a Beatl- I mean torch an office.

The chances of this actually happening are extremely slim, I’m not trying to say otherwise, but it is a very real possibility when you create the kind of cult-like mentality that SocJus is building, where you have people saying and doing the craziest shit imaginable, up to and including actual, criminal activity, and they literally don’t think anything of it because, in their minds, they’re on the ‘right side of history’ and so everything is permitted.

Still do a runner when they cops show up, though, don’t they; such brave little revolutionaries.

Here’s a thought experiment I’d like to pose to anyone who thinks that the actions being taken/encouraged to be taken against Protein World are justified: Since you’re so rabidly progressive I’m going to assume you’re also in favour of abortion.

Don’t get me wrong, I am too, but what I’m more interested in is this: what do you think of the Christians who protest abortion clinics, up to and including smashing them up and firebombing them?

I’m willing to bet that you think that’s crazy, because it is, but here’s the thing: what you are doing is exactly the same. Contrary to what progressives try to claim, the Christian aversion to abortion has nothing to do with controlling women, which should be obvious but when you’re dealing with imagined agents of the patriarchy everything becomes an attempt to control women.

No, it is my understanding that Christians, in the main, oppose abortion because it is their belief that an unborn child is still a child. In other words, abortion to them is no different to murdering a fully grown child.

Card-carrying members of the Patriarchy, every one.

Card-carrying members of the Patriarchy, every one.

Now, ask yourself: Do you oppose killing children?

I’m going to guess that was a ‘yes’ as well, unless you’re a proper psycho, and here is where it gets interesting. Obviously, unborn fetuses are not children –as Bill Hicks famously put it ‘you’re not a human being until you’re in my phonebook’– but for the purposes of this exercise we are discarding facts and logic: Christians believe that unborn fetuses are children, and that therefore to abort is to kill a child.

Now, imagine what most people would do if they found a place that was, unequivocally, murdering children on a daily basis with full government approval. Hell, it would be immoral not to act, right?

[Dramatic Recreation]

[Dramatic Recreation]

So how does any of this apply to you and your dumbass crusade? Well, it’s the exact same thing: You believe that these ads are in some way harmful to women and that, because women are incapable of agency (your logic, not mine) and therefore must be protected at all costs, it’s the moral thing to do to vandalise their advertising with your SocJus bullshit and to post the company address online to encourage people ransack their offices.

You are committing unambiguously immoral acts because, in your eyes, the target is a deserving one so you can therefore act with complete impunity.

You have absolutely no scientific, legal or factual backing for what you are doing: you’re simply doing it because it feels like the right thing to do, based on the morals you were raised to uphold and the narrative you have later swallowed.

The castration of, as it turns out, completely innocent men is a small price to pay.

The castration of, as it turns out, completely innocent men is a small price to pay.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with Protein World’s ad. As I said earlier, the ‘beach body’ schtick has been a marketing gimmick for as long as I can remember and, while I generally don’t submit to the will of tradition for the sake of tradition, it is a completely harmless trope, if you are capable of rational thought and not a prisoner to your erratic emotions.

That you think otherwise speaks only to your complete lack of self-awareness and the chronic entitlement that leads you to constantly demand the world kowtow to your irrational and ever-changing whims.

In short: If you can’t look at a billboard displaying a fit, in shape person without feeling inferior then that is your problem, not society’s.

Now, before you run to call me a hypocrite because I’ve previously denounced gossip magazines and their deplorable cellulite-shaming bullshit, do not kid yourself by thinking this is in anyway comparable.

Protein World is a fitness company, being anorexic is not healthy, the model in the advert is not anorexic, she is just in good shape. Yes, the ad is promoting a weight loss collection, but try to remember some people actually are interested in losing weight and that, yes, there are healthy methods of achieving this.

When I see ads like that I take them as a reminder to stick to my exercise regime; they strengthen my resolve, but I don’t start running up to every fat person I see on the subway platform and demand they drop and give me twenty because, unlike knee-jerk reactionaries, I don’t believe the entire world should march to the beat of my drum.

I’ve said this so many times already that I’m beginning to bore myself but it bears repeating: If you want to be dumpy & average all your life then go ahead –there’s no shame in it, it’s called ‘average’ for a reason– but don’t try to project your own complacency onto those of us who strive to better ourselves, and even derive pleasure from it.

Although I'm sure I'd also derive pleasure from eating a block of cheese like hand-fruit.

Although I’m sure I’d also derive pleasure from eating a block of cheese like hand-fruit.

I seriously do not care if a fat person wants to be fat, as long as they accept the consequences of their actions and don’t try to pass the buck or demand the world change to suit their needs, alone. Furthermore, no one is stopping you from going to the beach, no matter what size you are –and incidentally this constant belief anyone gives a shit what you do as an individual is hilariously narcissistic– so either go or don’t; life will carry on the same for everyone else, either way.

If you are worried you won’t be able to enjoy yourself because people will look at you and judge you then that’s on you, but I would add that –especially since this new trend of fit-shaming has come into fashion– people also judge the shit out of really buff or skinny people, (‘gymrat,’ ‘anorexic bitch,’ ‘dudebro,’ etc.) it is in fact what you are doing right now, and they by and large don’t give a shit, at least not outwardly, because they are secure enough in themselves to know that what other people think of them affects them in precisely zero ways.

As is almost always the case, all of this comes down to projection: People assume that they are being judged/attacked by the rest of the world while remaining blissfully ignorant to all the judging/attacking they are doing by acting out in this way.

Ads are not a personal attack against you or your way of life –if they were then I’d need to phone up OfCom every time a Tampax advert came on the telly because it was attack on my not having a vagina– if an ad doesn’t cater to you then do what every other functioning human in the world does: Disregard it and get on with your day.

Contrary to popular belief, popular amongst idiots I mean, not everything needs a hashtag campaign to topple the patriarchy, and I would have thought that, being a fucking barrister, Harriet Johnson would have known that, but apparently not.

As for me, personally? I’d rather be at the beach looking buff than be in danger of getting harpooned by a Japanese whaling crew, but hey: to each their own.

P90X? More like P90SEX AMIRITE! Seriously, it's been a long time.

P90X? More like P90SEX AMIRITE! Seriously, it’s been a long time.

UPDATE: While reading a Guardian article –my first mistake– about how people are now going to have an actual, honest-to-God protest over this shitshow, I happened across this comment by quite possibly the stupidest woman on the planet, which I now feel compelled to gift onto you all.

A problem shared is a problem halved, after all. Enjoy.

Fucking Morons

This entry was posted in Advice, Current Affairs, Fitness, The World at Large., Top Tips for Living Well and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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